Loving Life and Seeing Many Good Days
I claimed the proceeding quote from brainyquote.com has touched me as I went through the initial start of my journey, "Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." -C.S Lewis
I came across with this quote by accident! The same way I was told by my radiologist the unexpected finding of a mass found in my 12:30 portion of my left breast. This uncertainty somehow tested my faith, and tied me closer to my God, Jesus Christ. He makes me feel strangely peaceful and connected to Him as I meditate on James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face many kinds of trials. Because you know, the testing of your faith producer perseverance. Perseverance must finish its works that you may be mature, complete, and not lacking of anything." These verses were given to me by my Pastor, the day of my second mammogram and ultrasound.
I am dealing with my own personal story now. I don?t know where to start this story, of a journey that that I did not expect to start so soon. I love feeling safe, I love knowing that I have a husband who cares and love me unconditionally, and a church family who supports me spiritually
If I were to choose, I would have preferred a life filled with tenderness and blessings rather than challenges. But deep inside, I sense God?s intimate conversation with me, proving that God is near. I do not understand God?s method and His ways of loving His children. I believe that I am the apple of God's eyes. So, I am comforted knowing that He is with me. I am also deeply humbled and praisefully thanking Him for choosing to be here, sitting next to me as I start my journey.
I don't know how and I don't know why I feel this way. I certainly can't see what He's up to or where this path is going. If it was up to me, I would have preferred to get it over with and done with it. And while I would never choose to relive the past weeks or the challenging months ahead, I recognize I wouldn?t feel His presence so strongly right now without every challenge, affliction, lamentation, and tear that has led to this moment. And maybe that?s what C. S. Lewis meant in the quote above, that only when we are deeply afflicted, sorrowful, and broken can we connect with Jesus on a much deeper level for it allows us to truly share just a small piece of His suffering.
Looking forward to my surgery in two weeks, my surgeon had asked me to expect a week of recovery at home! I have delegated my husband and close friends to answer questions regarding my health condition. For me, I have given everything to the Lord, Jesus Christ who is the Giver of life and the Provider of good days as stated in Psalm 34:11-14, "Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."
Benign or cancer, my God knows what I have. Am I scared? No! I know that my God loves me and He wants me to love life and see many good days!