Dr. Willis Newman, Esmeralda Newman, bible-teaching-about.com

Harry Met Sally Rule

by Lori

I can not find it in the Bible but have seen it in here before. Question: Should husband be reaching out to women and lose track of time or sense of other things that have to be taken care of? Or if it is a nice looking woman he gives them a hug (bye).

I see his eyes when he looks at other women and although I do know he is talking about God, he is also learning a lot of intimate things about this person. Today he went to church at 8am and I was not feeling good so I decided to go later. Of course the women is at church because we invited her and here we are over an hour later and he is calling from her phone to see what I am doing... He said use the truck I said I cant because the car seat for my grandson is in the car. I did tell him firmly to bring my car home now.

Am I over reacting? Or what would be the most Christ like way to handle it? I have brought things like this to his attention before and it changes for a little while and then here we are again. I use the Harry met Sally rule because it is not good for opposites to be talking abut personal problems, or intimate things, it leaves room for anything to happen.

Thanks for letting me write my feelings out....

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Sep 23, 2011
Response, Harry Met Sally Rule
by: Jan

Wow, this is touchy, but I have to say, I believe you need to trust your gut feelings. I've seen too many affairs, divorces in the "church" to say this is okay. It always starts "innocently", but in time the relationship can progress beyond what the participants honestly intended. Then lives and families are devostated.

I would suggest an open, honest talk with your husband about how this makes you feel. Even if your suspicion is unfounded, your husband should respect your need for a change in his behavior in order to reassure you of his faithfulness. Trust is very fragile, and it's easier to take steps to make it stronger than it is to repair it after it has been shattered.

If he is unwilling to do this for you, you need to realize you have a bigger problem in your marriage.

Sep 19, 2011
Harry Met Sally Rule
by: Gina

Understanding boundaries is very important. I don't know what's the husband's purpose towards his interaction to this other woman at church, but the wife is already feeling something that could lead to a bigger issue. Matthew 5:27-28 states, "You have heard that it was said ?You shall not commit adultery?; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Women wanted to be treated with acceptance,respect, and dignity. But, I am not feeling comfortable on a one on one interaction between a married man and woman and conversing on intimate affairs. Churches always have the women ministry delegated to minister to other women. Men should always have a chaperon, preferably their spouse, present when ministering/counseling with women. Men should never go to women's home without proper chaperoning. The Bible is clear to avoid all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

This husband and wife need to sit down together and have open communication about boundaries. It's good to also get their Pastor involve on mediation and prayer for this couple to remain faithful and true to their wedding vow.

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